Trip to Heaven: Pinoy Humor on Airlines

Malamig ang simoy ng hangin. Pahiwatig na malapit na naman ang Kapaskuhan!

Pag ganitong magpa-Pasko ay maraming OCW at balikbayan na nagtatrabaho sa abroad ang umuuwi para magbakasyon sa Pilipinas at makapiling ang kanilang mga pamilya't mahal sa buhay.

Para makauwi siyempre, kelangan nilang sumakay ng eroplano. Narito ang ilan sa iba't ibang airline carriers na suki ng mga Pinoy OCW at balikbayan. Narito rin ang ilan sa mga pakuwelang obserbasyon ng Pinoy airline passengers na nakasakay ng biyaheng langit pabalik ng 'Pinas - napulot sa mga kuwentuhan at inipon ng Pinoy Funny Ideas blog.

FLIGHT 101 - SAFETY LECTURE
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or story told by Pinoy OCW's and balikbayans - specially from "manginginoms" or wine and beer drinkers:

CONTINENTAL AIRLINES
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants!"

JAPAN AIR LINES
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite!"

BRITISH AIRWAYS
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses!"

QANTAS AIRWAYS
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal!"

NORTHWEST AIRLINES
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis USA, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted!"

SINGAPORE AIRLINES
On a return flight to Manila, the flight attendant announced, "Chewing gums and smoking cigarettes are now allowed without fine while on flight. Spitting however is not allowed except in the disposable trash bag on your seat or in the lavatory!"

THAI AIRWAYS
On a flight back to Manila,the flight attendant announced, "Complimentary condoms will be distributed to all passengers. We have plenty of sizes to satisfy everybody - small, medium, large and extra large. They also come in many flavors - orange, mint and banana. Enjoy!"

SAUDIA AIRLINES
On a flight from Riyadh to Manila, the captain announced, "Wine refreshments and alcohol beverages will be served by our flight attendants. Cheers!"

QATAR AIRWAYS
Also on a flight from Doha to Manila, the captain announced, "We have plenty of free beers on board. You are now allowed to order as much as you like from our flight crew. Just make sure you drink and do not put on your handycarry bags!"

PHILIPPINE AIR LINES
"We're now preparing to land at San Francisco International Airport. Kindly straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic gadgets, pull up your window shades and buckle up for safety. We hope you enjoyed flying with us as much as we did." "Sa wikang atin po, tayo po ay papalapag na sa paliparang pangkalawakang internasyonal ng San Francisco. Paalala po lamang sa ating mga kababayan -- ang mga unan, kumot, headset at iba pang kagamitan sa eroplano ay di po kasama sa pasalubong. Huwag po lamang baklasin ang LCD-TV na nakadikit sa silya!"


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